scared

I still haven't talked to my dad. I really need to get on that and just call him tonight. I'm running out of time. hahaha. I finally got my new jeans today!!! woo hoo for jeans that actually fit.

Thanks amy for the comment, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog and I will get on pictures asap. I took some pictures on my phone the other day with some friends so now I just need to upload them somehow. hahaha I think I'm going to get a fill as soon as I get back from seattle because I have been able to eat more in the last few days.

and Tamra thanks for the blog popz as soon as I figure out how to get that thing on my sidebar I will. hahaha

more updates tomorrow if I talk to my dad tonight. wish me luck!!!

waiting

I don't know how long to wait for my next fill. my doctor likes to do them once a month but here is the thing, I'm still losing and I still never feel hungry. I finally got a new scale today so I got to weigh myself for the first time in about a week and I lost over 5 lbs this week. and I was eating out all the time since we just got into apartment last thursday. I won't know how much I officially weigh until tomorrow morning. I always weigh myself in the morning because you're lightest in the morning. hahahaha. tonight I'm at 237 so I'm not sure where I will be tomorrow, maybe 235 if I'm lucky hahaha. It's crazy to think that I might get close to 200lbs before my birthday! I know it's a stretch since my birthday is in may but that would be so cool! hahaha I can't believe that this time last year I was 324lbs! I'm almost 100 lbs lighter. I can't remember the last time I was in the 230's. I think I was in junior high.

here is a funny story...

so last week I went to nordstrom to replace some of my make-up, well I was standing at the make-up counter and this girl that I used to know while I was working there runs up to me and says "OH MY GOD! you look soooo good! what have you been doing??? how much have you lost??? you look amazing!" you know the usual questions hahahaha. well I didn't notice but my mom told me later that there was a lady standing near us at the counter and when I told the girl that works there that I've lost almost 90lbs I guess this lady's jaw just dropped, my mom said that she just stared at me for a long time. and then when I told the lady that works there that all I'm doing is watching my portions, eating better, and not even exercising(my normal answer because it's true without telling people about my surgery). The lady standing near us did a double take and stared again. HAHAHAHA my mom said she was looking at me like I must be lying. hahaha It was great.

Another wierd thing I've noticed lately is I've been getting a lot more attention from guys. It is soooo strange. I have no idea what I'm doing! hahahaha I mean it's really flattering but I definately don't know how to handle it.

so back to my dilema, if I've lost over 5lbs in the last week and I can barely eat anything should I...

a)go get a fill even if it's tiny.
b)wait another month until I get a fill.
c)make an appointment with my doctor and see what he thinks

I'm assuming that C is going to be the most popular vote, but you should still vote. hahaha oh and if I do go for a fill it wouldn't be until april 6th so I might stop losing by then you never know.

also I'm going to see my dad next week so you know what that means... I finally have to tell him about my surgery. uh oh! hahaha now keep in mind that my dad hasn't seen me since I've weighed about 295. and he is really strict and muslim. I want to tell him before he sees me so i don't have to deal with that awkward conversation face to face. I need to just get up enough courage to tell him now hahaha. and with him being middle eastern and all I don't know how he is going to deal with the fact that I can't eat very much, I'm afraid he is going to try and shove food down my throat and then I end up throwing up and then he gets pissed because I'm bullimic or something. hahahaha he is very over dramatic. well as soon as I talk to him I will make sure to write about it hahahaha.

life is crazy!

ok so this is going to be a mini update until tomorrow. So I didn't do an unfill. It's been hard with my band being so tight but I think I've lost quite a bit. I haven't weighed myself in over a week so I have no idea where I am right now but I think I'm still losing. I can still barely eat. I'm thinking I'm going to put off getting my next fill for a little while. I'm supposed to get another one next week but I won't be able to handle it. as for other things going on in my life our house caught on fire last week. It was an electrical fire that started in my room underneath my bed and set my room on fire. Neither me nor my mom were home. I got home first and saw that my house was full of smoke and called the fire dept. They came and put it out right as the fire started traveling up the walls and onto the second floor. We are out of our house now until august. Thank god our homeowners insurance is so good. they are paying our rent in an apartment that they fully furnished for us. and they have already given us enough money to replace both of our laptops and printer. Also since I lost everything they gave me some money for new clothes!!! I know this sounds strange but in a weird way this was a blessing because I wasn't able to afford any new clothes but now my insurance is buying me a whole new wardrobe. I finally have clothes that fit again. On a sad note I haven't replaced my camera yet so that means no new pictures for awhile but hopefully I will be able to replace it soon. but to give you an idea where I'm at size wise I'm wearing a size 18/20 jean and XL tops.

I have a lot more to update you guys with but I have to go get some sleep.

p.s. tamra thanks for the nice comment. my next quarter is not nearly as crazy so I'm going to try and go back to updating at least once a week. and just incase I typed in my email wrong it's sweetheart181@hotmail.com but I will email you.